Kendall's Smexxiness
by illusionsaremylife
Summary: the title says it all... JK JK, I kiddnapped BTR and there is nothing you may do about it! Rated T because I can.
1. Who stole my shirt!

**DISCLAIMER:**

**Me: I... own big time rush!**

**BTR: No you don't!**

**Me: Fine I don't own Big Time Rush! Happy!**

**All: Thrilled**

Me: Hello, viewers.

Gabby: This is a story Tana...

Me:Oh... you know I always wanted my own show!

Gabby: *sigh*

Kendall: Where are we?

Me: Texas

Logan: No we are in LA. We live in LA!

Me: Well... I kiddnapped you... and we are under my house... and I live in Texas... so... ya.

James: Can I have a mirror?

Me: Of course.

Kendall: *glares at me*

Me: Hello Kendork!

Kendall: Where is everyone else?

Me: IDK! I only wanted BTR.

All: Oh.

Me:Yuppers!

Carlos: Who are you to think ou can keep us here? *walks out door then magicly pops back in scary dark room with four doors and only two of those four doors are bathrooms*

Me: This is the same room I am holding the Twilight Saga people in until Edward kisses me.

Edward from far away: NEVER!

Everyone: ? Like WTF ?

Me: *evil laugh* You do what ever I tell you to do and that is why you can't defeat me!

Logan: How did you do that?

Me: With my magical, sparkley, powerful... KEyboard of doom!

James: Um... miss keyboard of doom lady, you capitalized the E on keyboard when you said it.

Me: quiet you! I knew that *goes back and changes it*

Kendall: So why are we here?

Me: I told you seven lines ago! Look all the people are gonna go check!

All: *laughs evily*

Me: I want you to sing me a song and for Kendork to stop being a jerk-face to all my characters that I make fall in love with him!

Kendall: What?

Me: Oh I write fan fiction stories and I have maybe three about you guys.

All: *blush*

Me: Ya one is on a chick named Jaci and she falls in love with Kendall, and then runs away, and then she comes back, with a band! And another is called Hockey Heads. It's a bout a trio that are living at the palm woods. And the main girl, Chris, falls in love with Kendall. and-

Jada: CARLOS!

Me: EPP! *runns in terror*

Carlos: Wait I'm Carlos.

Jada: No that person is Carlos. Carlos isn't a girl, or a boy, Carlos is an it. Most likely hyperventalating in the bathroom right now. In the shower floor.

Carlos: Wow.

Me: EPPERS! DRAT! I'll be hiding in the clostet. On the floor!

Jada: Take a walky talky.

Me: Ok! *walks back in singing* I'm just a fool for you and I think I'm going crazy.

Kendall: I sang that song on youtube!

Me: I know. *leans into Gabby's shoulder whispering* I love Kendall!

Gabby: I know!

All: You know what?

Me: Oh nothing! *turns off lights*

Kendall: Hey! Who stole my shirt!

*lights come back on*

Me: It's so soft... oh hey Nick!

Nick: Hey!

Logan: How many of you friends are gonna be in this?

Me: Let's see... Gabby, Jada, Nick, Skittle, Twizz *sigh*, and some of my other characters.

James: Are they cute?

Me: Gabby: Pale, pale brown hair, very short, and weighs 66 pounds?

James: Does she eat?

Me: More than me! Jada: Looks like me but shorter, darker hair.

James: Nick?

Me: Boy.

James: SO?

Me: !

James: What?

Me: Rolling On The Floor Laughing My Ass Off, Biting The Carpet, Scaring The Cat, Then Nearly Dying By Falling Out The Window In Front Of A Guy Who Looks Like Bill Gates, Who Then Runs, Horrified, Out On The Street And Is Accidentally Killed By A Yellow Bulldozer!

Kendall: That makes sense!

Me: Really?

All: No

James: Skittle and Twizz?

Me: Boys.

James: Drat!

Carlos: Hey that's my thing!

Me: NO! It's mine! Oh well! Come on Logan Lerman and Kendall, I'm not sure if I mean Kendall that is shirtless, or Kendall Schmidt...

Gabby: Aren't they the same person?

Me: NO!

Logan: Whack job!

Me: *starts sobbing*

Gabby: She's not crazy she's just- hey your cute!

Me: *stops sobbing* you can rent him for 50 bucks.

Gabby: *eyes Logan* okay! But can you write me up some Kevin Schmidt and Justin Beiber too?

Me: How dare you say that repluseive name in my story!

Gabby: I'm sorry Tana!

Me: No! Get out and take Logan and Kevin with you... you... monster!

Gabby: So I'll see you at my house for the crowning of the new vampire king and queen? **(IM TELLING THE TRUTH WE ACTUALLY HAD THIS FIGHT AND THE VAMPIRE THING IS BARBIES... TAYLOR SWIFT AND TRENT ARE THE KING AND QUEEN SHE WEARS A MINI SKIRT TANK TOP AND EDWARD CULLEN'S JACKET... WITH EDWARD AND TRENT SHIRTLESS... *SIGH*) **

Me: Wouldn't miss it!

Twizz and Skittle: I thought you already put us in the story!

Me: Different story different day!

Gabby: Your shave them to aren't you?

Me: *huggs Kendall* I would never shave his smexxiness! The others maybe...

Kendall: What's smexxi?

Me: Nothing, nothing at all.

Gabby: I'm in a realationship.

Me: Right. That's just what you want us to think!

Gabby: Whatever *grabbs logan and kevin and walks home*

Me: I don't know why she is walking she lives like a mile away.

Skittle: Tana!

Me: What?

Skittle: I thought you liked me!

Me: I do and Twizzy but... he is smexxi! XD

Twizz: WTF? What is smexxi?

Me: IDK! But Logon Lerman is also smexxi. *holds up shaving kit* who wants to help me shave the dogs?

Gabby: You can't shave them! Jacob is so hott... when he has hair!

Me: Not anymore! *evil laugh*

James: That is all the time we have here!

Logan: Tune in next time!

Carlos: Please?

Kendall: She will kill us!

Me: No I wouldn't... welll.. ya... i would miss you to much!


	2. Why is Emmett Cullen here?

**HERE'S MY DISCLAIMER:**

**THREE DUDES ARE WALKING DOWN THE STREET THE FIRST DUDE SAYS**

**DUDE ONE: I OWN TWILIGHT.**

**BUNNY:NO YOU DON'T!**

**DUDE ONE: *CRYING* HE'S RIGHT!**

**DUDE TWO: I OWN BIG TIME RUSH!**

**BUNNY:NO YOU DON'T!**

**DUDE TWO: *SOBBING* HE'S RIGHT!**

**DUDE THREE (COOKIEMONSTERGIRL): I DON'T OWN JACK!**

**BUNNY: WHO'S JACK?**

Me: *Walks in whistling*

All: Why are you so happy?

Me: Because today I'm going to the zoo!

Kendall: I thought you were an adult...

Me: HECK NO! I'm 12!

All: Really?

Me: Yuppers!

All: Wow.

Me: OH! I broughT something!

Carlos: What is it?

Me: Pictures for the walls. *pulls out pictures of Steven Strait, Jake Sandvig, BTR, and other random guys out*

Logan: Who are all these people?

Me: Hot guys. *sighs* You get to help me hang them up.

James: Why aren't I in any of these pictures?

Me: Simple. Because your not hot. Your... how should I say this? TOO perfect. Yes, Yes, Yes. You are yummi but... to yummi to put up.

James: Really?

Me: No I'm just yankin your chain. But you are yummi.

Kendall: What is yummi?

Me: Not sure. *sigh* But isn't this guy so yummi?

Logan: Who is that?

Me: Kendall. Don't be givin me that look.

Kendall: ? What look?

Me: The dreamy one...

Kendall: Oh...

Me: *falls down laughing then sinks into floor*

Kendall: OMG! Where'd she go!

Me: *Pops in behind Kendall* OMK! THIS IS FUN!

Logan: What's OMK?

Me: Oh My Kendall.

Kendall: You scare me.

Me: *eye twitches* Why would I scare you? *eye twitches again*

Gabby: I'm renting Logan again. *gives me $50*

Me: Have him back within 24 hours.

Gabby: Okay!

Logan: Help me! *screams*

Carlos: Let him go! *puts on helmet*

Me: OH! It's the helmet!

Carlos: What?

Me: Oh me and my friend love the helmet. She went out and bought one.

James: That is scary.

Me: Shhh...

Kendall: We need a plan.

Me: I know! *jumps up and down with hand in the air*

Emmett: Tune in next time to find out what Tana's Idea is!

Kendall: Why is Emmett Cullen here?

Me: He can be were ever he wants to be that's why!

Kendall: *sobbing* I thought you loved me! *Runns out doors*

**mE: WILL I GET KENDALL BACK IN THE ROOM? WILL THE OTHERS FOLLOW HIS EXAMPLE? WILL EMMETT LEAVE? WILL I EVER STOP TALKING AND START THE NEXT CHAPTER? TUNE IN NEXT TIME TO FIND OUT!**

**BTW: I NEED 2 REVIEWS B4 I UPDATE!**

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**CHECK OUT MY SEMI SERIOUS STORY: A Life Worth Living. Now On !**

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